The Joy of Text is supported by JOFA, the Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance, and Yeshivat Chovevei Torah Rabbinical School. Subscribe on i Tunes: https://itunes.apple.com/podcast/joy-of-text/id954105187 2.
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KRISTINA GRISH: "You know, if you're just starting a relationship with someone or just starting a correspondence with someone, it's certainly fine to say 'hi' or 'hello,' but then I would say within your second e-mail you don't really need a formal introduction or a formal salutation.
You can cut right to the fact that you are having an official conversation."RS: "Tell us about some of the things that you learned from these interviews."KRISTINA GRISH: "One of the more interesting things I found out is that a lot of people perceive this sense of hierarchy, this 'intimacy hierarchy,' which basically means if, say, someone sends you a text message, it's only polite to match their medium in response.
"But they, more importantly, weren't sure if it was helping their relationship or hurting it.
A lot of girls would spend days and days and days text messaging with a guy before he would even ask her out, and is that a good thing or a bad thing?
They are phrases that we utter to ourselves to make us feel like it might not be our fault, that we might not be fundamentally unlikable, that we’re doing the best we can, and our inability to find that special someone might mean that it’s just not the right time for us, not that it will never happen, even if it feels like never’s the most likely possibility.
For instance, "dear" is fine for a letter, but for an e-mail she says, it may be too formal.
Everything from trying to conquer chemistry with rationality to choosing your words carefully when it comes to online dating profiles sounds eminently familiar to the modern dater. Or that we like having our own space, our own time, to pursue our own interests. Or that men may come and go, but our girlfriends are forever.
I’m hopefully going to be doing a JW column about her soon, so stay tuned for that. And if you contact her or leave a comment, make sure to tell her Esther sent you… While there are people who believe some of these excuses, to many other people, they are just excuses.
"So they might start out by using e-mail and then progress to using text message and then progress to leaving a voice mail, but perhaps not actually talking on the phone.
And the ultimate, ultimate 'ding-ding-ding-ding-you-finally-made-it,' is actually to have this vocal correspondence, whereas even five years ago we would just pick up the phone and call, and hopefully it would happen before three dates."AA: "And all these people you talked to, did you get a sense of whether all the modern means of communicating other than what you call a vocal correspondence -- I guess we used to call that a conversation or talking -- "RS: "A telephone call."AA: "A telephone call, right -- was it a help or a hindrance? "KRISTINA GRISH: "Well, that was actually the reason that I wrote the book was because when I was doing my initial research, I realized that so many people were so overwhelmed with this technology, and they had so much of it at their fingertips, but they weren't quite sure how to navigate it.