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I still feel really unhappy about what he has done.

Up until this, I thought things were okay in our marriage, though of course we haven’t had much couple time with the demands of four children but this discovery has come as a bolt out of the blue.

Recently, I discovered that my husband has been using adult chat rooms online and seems to have been communicating in sexually explicit ways with other people.

When I challenged him, he was embarrassed and then defensive saying it was just harmless flirting and that he had not gone over any line.

AWith people spending more and more time online, accessing pornography and adult websites can be a big problem in modern marriages.

Relationship counselling agencies report that a growing number of couples are now seeking help due to infidelity online or to one partner accessing adult websites.

A second issue for a marriage is that one partner turns to the internet for flirting and sexual excitement rather than to their partner.

When I spoke to him again about it, he did apologise and said he won’t do it again but he then came out with a load of stuff about how unhappy he was in the marriage, that we never spend time together (which is true), but I don’t think it is fair for him to blame me.

My husband is a great father and has always been very hands-on with the children who really love him and I don’t want to end up separated.

You might benefit from going to counselling especially if you feel traumatised and need to the help of an impartial listener to process some of the feelings.

To move forward, it is important that you continue to talk to your husband and try to understand the extent of his difficulties and what the underlying issues are for him.

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